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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063220">The Jacks and Aces Problem</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryyves/pseuds/ryyves'>ryyves</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>King Falls AM (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Poetry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:00:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryyves/pseuds/ryyves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You are on the phone with two boys who will break your heart<br/>at the same time, two burner phones or maybe two burnt hands,<br/>theirs, held to both of your ears. On one side, someone is saying,<br/><i>I love you, you know this, but,</i> and the line goes dead.</p><hr/><p>For Lily Wright and the choices she makes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Wright &amp; Lily Wright, Sammy Stevens &amp; Lily Wright</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Jacks and Aces Problem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In the style of Richard Siken.</p><p>I'm a poet by trade and I've been sitting on a Lily poem for quite some time, so it's my delight to bring this to you. The title isn't a pun but it could be.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You are on the phone with two boys who will break your heart<br/>
at the same time, two burner phones or maybe two burnt hands,<br/>
theirs, held to both of your ears. On one side, someone is saying,<br/>
<em>I love you, you know this, but, </em>and the line goes dead. On the other side,<br/>
someone says, <em>it could have been different, you and us,<br/>
</em>but there isn’t a you and us and you are trying to figure out what comes next.<br/>
Your hands are just your hands, sunburnt because it is crueler<br/>
to leave in the summer, while the gulls land up and down the gulf,<br/>
stand sentinel to every barefoot jog. You tear your foot open on coral<br/>
and sit on the beach. The ocean is deep, your apartment white<br/>
with half-cracked blinds and not enough shoes beside the door,<br/>
and the sharks are not as hungry as you.</p><p>You are on the phone with the fist of your heart,<br/>
looking at all the dents in your apartment walls<br/>
like a gallery curator. Here a mark left from a lost job;<br/>
here your body liquor-addled, erratic, the fights<br/>
you sparked because you needed something to fight<br/>
and it couldn’t be yourself. Here the night your brother<br/>
told you he loved a man, the wall studded with sand.<br/>
Your knuckles callused from digging them<br/>
into your bedframe at night, your palms callused<br/>
from your fingernails. The wake of your self-loathing<br/>
leaves a riptide, so swim out. Swim fast, near naked,<br/>
to watch the sunrise and tell them in your head<br/>
that no window on the Pacific could ever match<br/>
the ocean like this.</p><p>The riddle goes like this.<br/>
There are three doors: the apartment, stripped<br/>
of their things in suitcases and grocery bags;<br/>
your parents’ house, back across the country<br/>
where they are going; the backseat of Jack’s car,<br/>
pale as a dolphin breaching.<br/>
There are three doors and one of them leads<br/>
to the boys who are already breaking your heart,<br/>
and you’ve ruled it out.<br/>
You watch the side mirrors when the car pulls out,<br/>
so maybe you got the riddle wrong after all.</p><p>You reframe the question. You have three brothers<br/>
and one of them is black oil and teeth<br/>
but you were foolish and angry and that’s the one you chose.<br/>
You have three brothers and you are running out of time<br/>
to ask the right questions. Before your brother left<br/>
he had hands soft as a dolphin’s back, and afterward<br/>
his knuckles don’t quite touch what he is touching.<br/>
Someone tells you this, so maybe you are still on the phone,<br/>
your real phone, which means your real heart, which means<br/>
your fist stopped an inch before the wall. Maybe the riddle<br/>
is this: a car key, a bottle, an audio recorder. Maybe this:<br/>
you are trying to tell the man you forgive him.</p>
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